PARENTING 101

REGARDING HENRY

By Henrylito D. Tacio



PARENTING 101



American president Harry S Truman once said: "I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it." If you do that, you can never go wrong.



The great English writer and painter, John Ruskin, has observed that some of the greatest successes of the human race have been caused by love of praise. This is especially true in childhood. But all too often, parents turn children away by pointing out only their faults and mistakes. A wise parent makes it a point to praise a child when he or she deserves it. It can work wonders.



Jack Denton Scott, in an article which appeared in Reader's Digest, told of a story of a woman who completely transformed her son's dislike of drying dishes by a word of praise to him. One night, the two of them were doing the dishes together, much to his dislike, when suddenly he dropped a large meat platter. There was silence after the crash.



Then, the mother looked at him and said, "You know, son, of all the times you have dried dishes for me, this is the first time you have ever dropped one. I think you have set some kind of record."



Fear left the boy's face and he broke out into a smile. Forever, after that, drying dishes was fun. "Praise virtue," a psychologist once advises, "and you will find few vices to condemn."



Have you ever noticed why some children of famous families turn out to be so much more successful than others? For instance, why did Joseph Kennedy's son excel while Franklin Roosevelt's did not? Certainly, Roosevelt had as good an understanding of power and how to use it as did Kennedy.



Part of the answer to that puzzle may be found in Franklin Roosevelt Jr.'s remark that an appointment was always needed if he wanted to see his famous father. One day, the younger Roosevelt had a pressing problem. The two talked. Although the elder Roosevelt was listening he kept on working at his desk. When the boy stopped talking, the father remarked, "Glad you could drop by," and that was the end of conversation.



In contrast, Joe Kennedy had ferocious interest in his children's lives. For all his shortcomings, his loyalty to his children was absolute. "My business is my family and my family is my business," he said. In an interview, he revealed, "You know, when I was just trying out for the freshman team for some of those swimming meets, my dad was always there. He was always there. He did the same for all the kids."



So, when was the last time you were there for your son or daughter? When was the last time you have talked with your child just the two of you alone? Do they need to pay an hour just so they can have your time?



Of course, parents before they became such were children themselves. Nina Fischer shared her own story about her father. "My dad was a carpenter and he never liked to get dressed up into nice clothes. But when my mother died, he bought a handsome suit and was dressed to the teeth as he went heartbroken to her funeral.



"A year or so later, I was in a clothing store and saw a suit similar to the one my father had worn at my mother's funeral. I got into a conversation about my father and his dislike for dressing up. Then the elderly salesman said to me, 'My dear child, I knew your father. He often came in here to admire the fine clothes we have, but he never bought any. He always said that you kids needed things more than he needed clothes."



Hearing those words, Nina's eyes were filled with tears. And the old man continued his explanation: "Your father told me that he always felt dress up inside himself. And I believed him. He smiled so much, he just had to be wearing a really nice suit around his heart."



If that is what fathers can do, what about mothers? The famous French author Victor Hugo tells this story about a mother: It was during the French Revolution in 1700. A mother and her two children were driven from their home. They wandered through the woods and fields for several days, living on roots and leaves. On the third morning, they hid in some bushes but two soldiers flushed them out.



The officer saw that they were starving, so he gave them a long loaf of French bread. The mother grabbed it like a famished animal, broke it into two pieces, and gave one to each child. One officer saw that and asked the other, "Isn't that woman hungry?"



"No," the other office said, "it's because she's a mother."



Now, do you want your son or daughter to be a scalawag when they are grown-up? Here's what the pamphlet from the police department of Houston, Texas tells us: From infancy on, give the child everything he wants. This will make him believe the world owes him a living. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he's cute.



Never give him any spiritual training. Let him decide for himself when he's eighteen or older. Avoid using the word "wrong." It might develop a guilt complex. When arrested later on, he will think he is being persecuted.



Pick up anything he leaves lying around. This will teach him to throw all responsibility to others. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Sterilize his cups and saucers but let his mind feast on garbage.



Give a child all the spending money he wants. Why should he have things as tough as you had them? Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, drugs, etc. Denial may lead him to harmful frustration and nervous breakdown.



Take his part against neighbors, teaches, and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child. When he gets into real trouble, apologize to yourself by saying, "I could never do anything with him." Prepare for a life of grief. You will be likely to have it.